So much on my mind . . .

there is a very slim chance we could get a phone call, well, "The Call" tomorrow from our agency.  For those not in the adoption world, this is the phone call that all prospective adoptive parents wait for.  For us, that would be 85 months, or just over 7 years!  Imagine awaiting a phone call for that long!  To tell you the magnitude of this, Larry just asked me what time it is in Spain.  Why Spain? Well because we have friends in our face book group from Spain and they are ahead of us in the time zone and if someone from there is getting a call about now then that means tomorrow we could get a call, get it, complicated I know.  Why in the world would we be worried about what time it is in Spain when we're adopting from China!  Hmm, there you have it. 
Back to "the call" . . . when we get this long awaited call it will include info about our baby, like the sex, birthdate, the location, ie., foster care or orphanage.  You see it would be the equivalent of delivering your baby and the doctor announcing, "congratulations, you have a fill in the blank". So that's why the call is so important and it's the first step in the referral process in which we get to announce our child's info to our family and close friends. 
For months, (well every month since we've been waiting), when it gets close to referral time I watch my e-mail like crazy and every on-line group we're part of as well as scour the internet for hints of information regarding referrals and how many days worth of LID's have been processed. Ironically this time, as we've gotten so close, Larry has been the one tracking face book and e-mail.  He's been texting me at work any updates.  He's suddenly obsessed and I've been too sick to realize,and busy too, that I wasn't expecting referrals yet.   In the past, I always knew we were never close enough to be included I still watched (like a hawk)!  It was an exciting time and it was always good to see families being connected to their children for the first time.  The number of babies referred and families matched always gave reassurance that we were one step closer.  Seeing others' dreams come true always encouraged us. 
Now we are so close. It's unlikely to be tomorrow but in the next couple months we will get to see the first glimpse of our little one via an e-mail photo. 
So what do we do to prepare our hearts for this?  I ask myself, what can I do? It's always seemed so far away and now our Little One is within reach and we may see her picture in the coming months. I awoke early thinking about how we'd share the news and with whom first.  We have circles of friends that have walked this path with us and some that are closer than family and some that understand on a much deeper level than others.  But to make it fair and uncomplicated, everybody will hear it from us eventually and we cant guarantee they wont hear it from someone else first.  We live in a small area and news travels fast! 
So will it be a boy or girl? Light or dark skin? Fine or coarse hair? How old? What province? Foster care or orphanage?  Oh so many questions.   Stay tuned!

Seven years of waiting . . .

Today we reached our seven year mark.  We have officially been logged in and waiting for our Little One for 7 years, yep 84 months.  Who would've thought?  Not us, that's for sure.  We could never have foreseen this long wait for our first and likely only child.  We imagined a typical 12-15 month wait for this international adoption.  God saw otherwise.  His ways are not our ways.  Looking back we see God's hand in all of this, even the long wait.  He has protected us from earthquakes, bird flu, mudslides, government shutdowns, torrential rains and snow storms.  When we say we've been spared in these situations, let me make it clear that we weren't even close to being effected by any of these.  But God's provision of safety is amazing and timing impeccable.  During the long wait we often made projections as to when we may travel and each time God has proven time and again that it wasn't "our time".  He showed us often after the fact that He provided protection and safety for us by  preventing us from traveling at a certain time.  Who could ask for more? 

I am thanking God tonight for His sovereignty and His Love.  I am thanking Him for our ability to be patient during this wait  and I'm thanking Him for our contentment.  I am thankful He's making us wait as I know we've grown in Him during this time.  And I'm so thankful we are His children.  I now have a better understanding of what it means to be "adopted" into the family of Christ and loved unconditionally. 

Lots of reasons to be thankful!!

Not just this Thanksgiving season, but everyday we have so many reasons to be thankful.  I am grateful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and for His mercy and grace that are new everyday.  I am thankful He called me to be a part of His family and take me in as His child, that I am forgiven and He loves me in spite of my many faults and failures. I'm thankful for my husband who is a God-fearing and God loving man who also has been saved by the grace of God.  I'm thankful for our families and their relationship with Christ.  I'm thankful for our Church and its leadership and our dear Pastor and his family.  I'm thankful for our determination to be good servants and stewards of Christ and that by His grace we are living closer to Him today and grow closer with each changing season of our lives.  I'm thankful for our health.  I'm thankful for jobs and thankful for His protection over us. 
I'm even thankful for Him leading us on this long road called adoption.  Although we've waited nearly seven years  (tomorrow), we know God has a plan for us.  Who are we to question His timing and sovereignty.  
Along the adoption front, it looks like referrals may be on their way.  Rumors are flying, the next LID's referred could be anywhere between November 16th to November 20th.  Guess, we wait to see.

Happy Halloween . . .

I remember in 2006 I was driving to the local Fed-ex hub to deliver our dossier on this day, except it was a Tuesday.  The lady at the counter was asking me about insurance for the 3 pounds of paper I was mailing.  When she asked me what it was worth, I told her it was "priceless".  I then proceeded to tell her "if Jesus Himself could deliver the papers then that's what I'd want".  She laughed and explained she'd mailed many dossiers for families and considered herself the "fairy godmother of adoption paperwork".  Well, that somehow made it better.  So I reluctantly left my package with her and said a little prayer.  At this point I went to Bob Evans to get potato soup for lunch and some pumpkin bread.  I ate the soup on my hour trip back to work, who would've thought I could've eaten soup while driving!  We were notified the next day by Great Wall that our paperwork looked good and would be China bound on Friday.  The long wait began and the huge slowdown occurred.  So here we are nearly 7 years later . . . Happy Fall and Happy Halloween, enjoy my pictures . .

4 more beans outta the jar!

Yep, I guess we get to take out a few more jelly beans from our "countdown jar".  We received an e-mail today from our agency that the "Stork" landed with referrals for families logged in on the 13th of November.  So we are getting even closer. 
It was wonderful to see all those beautiful little faces being matched with their "Forever Families" and so nice to congratulate all the people we've met on-line. 
On a very special note, we have friends about an hour away that received their referral for a beautiful baby girl only 10 months old!!!! Congratulations to Erin and Brian!!!  The Lord has truly blessed you! 

Six months?!!

We got an e-mail from our agency Wednesday stating we should have a referral in six months. Six months? Really?  We are so close, but so far away! 

Our previous referral counselor left the agency and we’ve been given a new one and this was the first email we'd gotten from her.  Okay, so we are closing in on the 6 month mark but I’m hoping for more like 3-4.  Last year at this time we thought we’d get  a  referral  around July of 2013.  Nope.  Then around May we realized it would likely be November.  Then by August we figured it would move to the end of December (worst case scenario).  Now as we’re in the middle of October it looks like it could be March, ugh!!!!  I feel like a broken recording, we told people “it’ll be about 2 years” for about 3 years then we’ve said for the last year “it’ll be about a year”.  Now for the last 4 months we’ve said it would be around 3-6 months.  I’m sure no one thinks we can count!!!! 

This is tough.  CCCWA totally skipped September so now the arrival times of referrals are not even predictable.  What am I supposed to do with  the time I’m waiting?  I’m trying to be as productive and focused as possible and trying to “live in the moment” but I find myself wishing the weeks away hoping its time for referrals once again.  I don’t like being that way.  We are only guaranteed the present.  I need to remind myself of that.  Maybe focus on others more. 

Where are referrals?

It was  August 29^th since the  last batch of referrals were sent.   So where are they?  We, (meaning the two of us, our facebook group and most everyone in adoption cyberspace), thought referrals would come around the end of September.  Then nothing happened.  CCCWA and most every person in China was having national holiday from Oct 1st to Oct 8^th.  So we figured it would be at least then before we heard the first rumor.  Supposedly they (CCCWA) has been back to work about a week and a half and we haven’t heard anything, ugghh.  So it may be another week.  I sure hope this month and a half timeframe between referrals goes back to every month.  It’s hard to wait even 30 days, let alone longer when you really don’t know why they aren’t  being sent.  Nothing to do but wait, and wait, and wait.  Really thinking about some retail therapy, although we did buy a box of diapers on the 27^th of Sept to celebrate our 82 months of waiting.  Now, I would desperately love to have a  little person to wear those diapers!!!!!  

Do you smell that?

It stinks.  This wait stinks.  The closer we get, the longer we wait!   How can that even make sense?  There are fewer people logged in and fewer days between us and a referral, yet, we wait.  There was an ugly rumor that surfaced Friday that I really chose to ignore and didn’t seem well-founded.  However; today’s rumor is the same and it looks like CCCWA won’t be sending referrals before they leave for their National Day Holiday and will be out from  October  1^st to the 6^th.  Worse yet, the new rumor also states the  next batch of referrals may not come until mid to late October.  And even worse yet, looks like this may push our prospective December referral into February or March. UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! 

On a lighter note, I will have more time off accumulated, and more money in the bank, and that will make our travel easier. BUT and that’s a BIG BUT, that means our child has to wait for us longer in an orphanage and our home remains without a child.  This hurts my heart. 

Jelly Bean/Referral Update

Here's  a peek at our jelly bean countdown jar.  Notice how on the August line I have the date as
11-10-10, oops, error on my part.  The CCCWA has now referred families with log in dates up to November 10th, of 2006.  Guess that means we are just 17 log in dates away!!!!!!  Slowing closing in on the big day!  

One thing I determined today, jelly beans in a jar for over two years are very much like the China adoption process, stuck and difficult to get any movement. These sugary little beans have now taken up residence in the jar and are sticking to the sides and changing colors!  Ever seen a gray jelly bean? Some of the beans were pink with blue and yellow and purple specks (Tutti Fruiti).  Supposedly those colors fade and bleed into the pink over time and make a very odd lavenderish grayish color of grossness, but yeah, just as sweet! Don't judge me, you would've tried it too, it's just a little harder than it was on the day they were bought (nearly 3 years ago)!
On a serious note, prayers tonight for our country and Syria as we are facing some sad and turbulent times.  I pray for those involved and the leadership of both countries. 

Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive Moms . .

Neat article, please read, it's so very true. Just click on this link:   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wymsel-/dear-friends-of-waiting-adoptive-moms_b_3795132.html

Rumors!!!!! What a wild ride!

Well, rumors of the next cut-off date began about two weeks ago, some were saying the 13^th, others possibly the 16^th.  I tend to be cautious and go with the 13^th, and supposedly an agency received referrals last week through the 13^th but no one has shared any info yet to confirm this, ie, pics of babies or referral info.  Our facebook buddies in Europe haven’t seen anything either but are hearing similar rumors.  Now today, rumors are buzzing about the 16^th or the 22^nd!  Geesh!  Still nothing concrete.   Some agencies have contacted their next group of parents to obtain additional info in seeming anticipation of a referral.  Guess we wait and watch, its’ been nearly two weeks since the first rumors started flying, so I guess that’s why they call them rumors.   In some ways I’m sorta glad we’re not expecting a referral in this batch  because this up and down stuff has been maddening for so many.  Yet, I’ve been stalking all our usual internet sites multiple multiple multiple times a day just to get the latest.  I’m so anxious for these next referrals, then we’ll have an even better idea of how the next few months are gonna look. We’ll know if we’re next next next next or possibly just next next! 

Feeling very anxious today . . .

It’s not exactly time for any rumors to surface yet but some friends on our facebook group in Europe are hearing the possibility of the 16^th as the cut-off.  Oh my, that’s a huge jump covering 10 days and several families in our group.  Whoo, I can hardly breathe when I think about it.  I don’t look for referrals to make it that far; not that I’m being pessimistic, just realistic.  I really think the cut-off will be some where around the 10^th or 12^th .  But IF they do make it that far, the 16^th, then that puts us a WHOLE lot closer.  Woo Wee.  They say that the last few months of waiting are so much more difficult and I’m starting to see its true.  We are so close yet could be as much as 6 months away.  Wow, how does one process that?!  21 log-in-days but potentially 6 months to make it there,.  I’m at least thankful that the next few months offer some holidays as distractions; and we have  fun things planned in the upcoming  months.  I’ve been reading more about the country and attachment/ development and I  need to learn a little more Chinese.      Lots to do!!!!!

80 Months Pregnant!

We celebrated today with a little trip to Toys "R Us and purchased this fella. Except, technically we bought it at Target because TRU was out of them.  They were able to price match so we got "potato head" for $3.18, pretty cool. 

Pawprints and Fingerprints

As you know from yesterday’s post, today is actually the anniversary of Meeka’s  passing.  I had been secretly dreading this time  but going about daily stuff and continuing all things necessary for the adoption.  Well,  we were expecting to receive our fingerprint appointments for immigration and received them on the 12^th.  I took them out of the envelopes as we each receive a separate notice and was checking the dates and times to make sure they coincide.  (Immigration doesn’t give you a choice, you take what they give but it’s always best when they schedule the same day- one time they didn’t and its such a long drive we had to stay the night and miss two days of work, anyway . . . . )  I was looking at the dates and realized it was July 24^th.  July 24^th.  Why does that day seem important?  Just then I realized.  The day I had dreaded, not knowing how I would spend it and what I would do, God took care of it.  In His simple way (although huge to me) God revealed to me that He is still present  in the small stuff and He knew this would make a difference for me today.  Do I believe it’s coincidence, NO, I believe there’s a  bigger Connection.

. . . Today . . .

Today marks the day our sweet Meeka dog went to Heaven last year.  She passed from here on the 24^th of July which is actually tomorrow but today is Tuesday and that’s the last day we had with her so she’s heavy on my mind today.  I have been dreading this day for many months now, not knowing how to commemorate it and not knowing how I would even manage to function to be honest. 

She was such a special girl to us and always will be.    I’m finding myself feeling fairly strong today, until now.  As I stop to write this I realize I could type forever and never share everything about her,  and I realize some  things are just meant for my memory anyway.  It has been  my prayer that my memory holds her dear and I recall little things about her on a daily basis, things that bring a smile.  I've also prayed that I’m not flooded with sadness when I think of her. I still remember her smell and the rhythm of her drinking water. 

Charm from her collar

 Meeka Jo was a one –of-a –kind and will never be replaced.  She had such a  sweet spirit and so easy-going.  Her little life was burdened by sickness, skin issues, ear infections, and lastly a brain tumor.  Those are the hard things to think about.  I know we cared for and doctored her to the utmost of our ability, and I know we did all we could humanely do.  The treatment was tough for her sometimes but she was always so compliant unless she was just too uncomfy. She was a lot less resistant than you’d expect.  The doctors even said she didn’t  seem depressed and she just “accepted it and went with it”.  They even said that in the last exams she “seemed to enjoy everything she was asked  to do” .  

That’s our Meeka Jo! 

 She came to us young and needed a Mommy as much as I needed someone to nurture.  Meeka adapted easily to our lifestyle once we figured out how to be puppy parents. She taught us a lot of things, one of those things was that blood doesn’t make a family.  Whether you have skin or you’re fur covered, LOVE runs deep!  She served a role and we needed her as much as she needed us.  She  helped us through some tough years and  changes, as well as decisions too.  She traveled with us as far as she could go and  her purpose was fulfilled.  We love our Meeka dog and always will.   

November 6th!!!!!

No, I realize it’s July but in the adoption world it’s November 6^th, 2006.  Yippeee! That means we are 21 log-in days away from CCCWA reaching our LID of 11-27-06.  So that means we are probably not next, next, but next, next in the  line up of referrals! Woowoo, they have finally made it to November.  It’s been so long as we’ve watched the months creep by.  I remember watching as March 2006 was referred over a period of 7-8-9  months, maybe more, shoot I can't remember  now.  I tried to block it out- it was very painful to endure. 

Now we are finally in the month of November and ironically, the 15th of this month marked 6 years for us mailing off our application and paperwork to immigration for the very first time.  And it was 6 years later to the day, CCCWA began referring November families- WOW, it sure has been a long 10-12 month referral time frame. I thought the zodiac was the only difference between our calendar and the Chinese calendar.  They must count their days and months a little differently than we do, hee hee. 

In May the CCCWA changed their computer system and so there haven’t been any referrals since April.  Those poor families that were “up next” have been waiting all of May and June and not known when the computer system would be working properly.  But their day finally arrived and phone calls were finally made all over the US, Canada, and Europe matching families to their precious babies.  Congratulations Everyone!!

All my Fed-Ex's are in Texas . . .

In the spirit of George Strait I made a little change to his well-known country song.  My paperwork that I mailed last Friday was delivered promptly and as planned to the two destinations in Texas, one to immigration and one to our agency.  Therefore, I can now say that all my Fed-Ex's are in Texas.  Thanks Fed-Ex, UPS and USPS for your devotion and safe keeping of all the materials you deliver!  I'm sure just with any job they have no idea of the impact or importance and how it effects others.   In this case, a Little Life is attached to all these envelopes and fees that I mail.  Now that the paperwork has safely made it, now we just wait to receive a receipt (matter of fact it may be in the mailbox) and a notice regarding our fingerprint appointment.

Headed To Texas! Our paperwork that is.

Well, today I dropped off our paperwork to Fed-Ex and our most recent updated documents are on their way.  I mailed our newest home study, copies of our old home studies, birth certificates, marriage license, some other forms and a big fat check to United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) in Texas.  I also put updated copies of everything in the mail to our agency, Great Wall China Adoption, also in Texas.   I will spare you the prep work it took to placing these two precious packages in the mail, let's say the process began in October of last year with updating our home study and I'll leave it at that.  Here is another pic I snapped today at the Fed-Ex hub.  I found it interesting the one and only pic they had in the lobby was of an Asian Fed-Ex worker scaling the Great Wall with his boxes!!! 

Happy Father's Day to the Fathers-to-Be

So thankful that my God is a Father to the Fatherless.  He will love our child and provide for her most basic needs before we can care for her and hold her in our arms.  I love you Lord. 

Get on board the Roller Coaster!

Well, it looks like CCCWA won't be sending referrals until the end of the month so they can get all the glitches worked out of the computer system.  So we had gotten hopeful that we would see the next batch this week, nut that's not gonna happen.  So the coaster ride plummets and it looks like it'll be the end of June before we come out of the tunnel.  Hold on, enjoy the bumpy ride! 

Look what we're taking to China!

No, we're not floating or paddling our way to China!   Over the many years we've waited, I've read so many blogs of families' travels to China that I've made a list of the things we need or that came highly recommended by other families. 
And believe it or not, inflatable rafts made the list.  Now if you'd told me initially I needed to take a raft to China I'd have thought you were just as terrified as I am of flying and that your were being overly cautious in the event of an emergency water landing, er, uh crash.   Nope, these are to sleep on.  You see, even in the very nice westernized 5 star hotels the beds are reportedly VERY hard and uncomfortable.  These can be blown up quickly and tucked between the bed covers and the mattress.  Then you have an additional cushy layer so your bones don't ache.  Sounds good, huh?  Well for two people who are pretty spoiled; one with shoulder issues and the other just, well, spoiled.  We thought it was a good idea! 

What's the news? Where are the rumors?

Okay, the CCCWA was closed the last week of May to transistion to a new computer system and we were informed there wouldn't be any referrals last month.  So now the system should be up and running, how long are they gonna wait before they start the matching process this month?  I was online three times today but didn't see any rumors of when we might hear something or how many days they'll refer this month.  They say the closer you get the harder it is to wait.  Yup, they're right!  Looking forward to hearing some news.  Just to clarity, we won't be hearing anything personally this time but every month brings us closer!!! 

May 2012 Re-cap

See Meeka peeking around the post?

So to reflect on what was going on May of last year, oh, and why is it important?  Well. if you've been following at all, we are trying to document the events that occurred around the time of our baby's birth. We don't know when she will be born or was born so we have been trying to keep some archives.  So looking back, here's what I can remember.  Around the first weekend of May we bought a Chinese dogwood tree, well we didn't buy it,  it was given to us by the nursery owner once he realized we were adopting from China.  He said the only payment he wanted was for us to bring her to see he and his wife once we brought her home. He and his wife were Christians and had a heart for adoption.  His brother in fact had hosted an exchange student from China for the past year and their whole family had grown very fond of her.  Initially we went to the nursery to shop for a small ornamental tree and this is what he suggested. At the time he knew nothing about which country we were adopting from then suggested this species, a Kousa dogwood, or Chinese dogwood.  We thought we'd burst, how ironic!  We got the dogwood the day we took our sweet Meeka dog to the vet (once again).  We thought we were dealing with severe ear infections and received some reassurance from our vets.  We thought we were on the road to recovery once the antibiotics remedied our issue.  So the tree was a celebration of our dog's life and a promise of what was yet to come with our Little Girl.  The month progressed and our sweet Meeka dog got sicker.  Meanwhile Tonya's Uncle Jerry was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed toward the end of the month.  He was such a jokester and still sadly missed.  Aside from the negative things this month I continued with my interest in making natural household cleaners and lotions.  Larry was fully into mowing season and we started upgrading some landscaping and began thinking about a new rock walkway.  



6 1/2 Years Pregnant!

Yep, that's right. Today we have been officially waiting  78 months.  It hardly seems possible. But with God's grace He has given us the patience to endure. Although the closer we get, the harder the wait becomes. Two weeks ago, its all I could think about, it was really consuming my thoughts then other days we muddle through and its seems surreal and far off in the distance. Our agency posted an e-mail last week stating the CCCWA was instituting a new computer system and would not be sending referrals for May; however, they believe we should hear something about the next batch of referrals the first of June.  I'll be curious to see if they finish October, that would be nice. But realistically I figure they'll make it through the 28th- hope I'm pleasantly surprised! 

October 26!

Last week our agency received referrals for those logged in on October 26th of 2006.  So we are right at 30 log in days away from our LID!!!!!! What does that mean?  Well, it means we will likely receive a referral around October of this year.  It looks like we may be about 6 months away from seeing that precious face!  Wow wee, do I have a lot to do! 
Also Larry harvested this awesome turkey last week and it was yummy!  Yes, for those who dont live around here,  we eat wild game!  Healthier and no hormones, so don't judge!  ha ha

March/April 2012 Re-cap

Well, I think I mentioned this in the last post, maybe not.  During the course of this long wait to bring our baby home, I've tried multiple times to document daily happenings.  Boring, as you can see right now.  I've found I'm better at brief daily diary entries (which I do on a calendar) because my otherwise lengthy, detailed journal entries are far too cumbersome and not very interesting.  So I decided to at least give a monthly recap/reflection on what we were doing last year, 2012. Why?  Well, because this is when we believe our child was born.  Time will tell.  In the mean time, I am continuing my calendar entries in case she is born some time this year so we will at least have an idea what was going on in our lives when our little one enters the world.
So, last March I had foot surgery (elective) and was off work for five weeks, had a walker, ortho boot and physical therapy. What was good about it? Time off work and lots of sunshine. We had an unusually warm spring and many 80 degree days.    We are just now in late April experiencing these temps this year.  I spent a lot of my time outside on the deck reading adoption related books and the "Hunger Games". Also about that time our precious Meeka dog had her second seizure (the Saturday before I went back to work).  Sadly, we knew then things were getting worse for her.  On a brighter note, some friends of ours brought home their son from Ethiopia.  What a joy!

Happy 75 Month LID Anniversary!!

Today marks 75 months of being logged in and waiting for our Little One.  Gee, 75 should be a speed limit, not the length of time we've waited to adopt!  Well, rumor has it that the CCCWA has gotten through two days worth of LID's and that gets us to October 19th of 2006.  Getting closer but still a disappointingly small batch this month.  One the bright side, the CCCWA released referrals twice this month, on the 1st and again today despite the week long holiday they usually take to celebrate Chinese New Year.  Which reminds me, Happy Belated Chinese Lunar New Year!!! It's now the year of the Snake!!!

February 2012 Highlights

The first part of February always evokes a lot of emotion at our house.  It’s the anniversary of Larry’s surgery and we always find ourselves thinking about that a lot, melancholy and thankful all at once.  We praise God again for clear results and again this year in 2013. He has already had an MRI and once again, God continues to bless our household.  We are so unworthy of God’s goodness yet so thankful we are covered by Jesus’ righteousness.

During February 2012, I helped my adorable niece and her friend prep for the Valentine dance, my sister-in-law and I did hair and makeup for them, what fun to be in 7^th grade!!!!  They are good girls and drama free- they tend to avoid that and I’m proud of them as that’s hard to do this day and age.

I had some moles removed in February (elective) and that turned out well.  I’m gonna be an older  mama so I want to give my daughter fewer reasons to think her mom is old, frumpy, and certainly not  mole covered, ha ha

The later part of February 2012 took a sad turn.  Our precious Meeka dog woke us one night having a seizure and that was truly dreadful.  It was 12  years ago the same month that Larry had woke me up with the same thing.  Too close, and such a brutal flashback.  The vet determined it could have been  a one time thing or the beginning of epilepsy but we just had to wait and see.  I have many thoughts and journal entries regarding this that I just cannot put into words again. So sad, the year starts so gloomy.  Well stay tuned for more 2012 highlights. 

Year in Review 2012- Trying it again.

Okay so last January 1^st 2012, I began a journal.  I used a nice leather bound journal with just the right size lines on which to write, a flexible spine to make it easy to write, and it was red in color to commemorate the “good luck” of China. 

So what happened?  Well, I journaled tirelessly for the first 3 months.  Documenting daily events, looking back, most of those dreadfully boring.  The purpose of the journal was so we could have documentation of the day our daughter was born.  Although a million miles away(sort of, not really) this is a way I felt connected to her and thought it would be wonderful to be able to know what we were doing around the time of her birth.  There is so much of her history that will be missing so I thought this would be one way to fill in some gaps.  Looking back now  I don’t know that she will be so thrilled  to know what un-monumental life we live on a daily basis.  Therefore, after March  my lengthy, boring, over-detailed or short under- detailed entries became too cumbersome and ineffective.  The journaling pretty much stopped and I began jotting things onto a calendar- which I am good at by the way.  So for the remainder of the year I used the calendar.  Not much you can write in a  ½ inch square but it forces you to hit the highlights.  Unfortunately sometimes it forces you to abbreviate too and I’m not sure all those entries are decipherable. Nonetheless, paired with my iphone history and the chronology of the pics I took on my phone I’m gonna attempt to recreate for myself the High-lights of 2012.    We’ll see if I can figure out this madness.  Here is the first recap:

Highlights 2012 as recalled from my iphone and pocket calendar:

January 2012 Highlights

Well, the year started with my birthday and a winter hike at one of my favorite places.  We tried out a new trail and saw some pretty rock formations and lots of moss.  So green and fresh; love breathing that type of air!  I knew I was facing foot surgery in a  few months and wanted to take advantage of my mobility while I had it. 

By looking back at journal entries, cell phone pics and bookmarks I had set,  it looks like the year started with a small snow.  There was focus on trying to find some allergy free dog treats for Miss Meeka.  She had such trouble with her skin and ears that I was able to find a carob chip cookie recipe and tried that out.  It made a large batch then we went back to our tried and true oreo-type carob ones from the store.  Less work and more palletable. 

I chose adoption blogs to follow each month and continued on my vicarious adoption journeys. 

  . . . See not terribly interesting.

 

 

74 Months have Come and Gone

As of  1-27-2013, we have been waiting on our sweet baby girl for 74 months- geesh!   On January 30^th we received word via internet that the CCCWA has matched families with children with an LID of 10-17-2006.  So we are moving along, with an LID of 11-27-06 we anticipate 6-9 months and we will see her precious face for the first time.  Will she look happy in her picture or perplexed?  Will she be wearing layers of clothing in her referral picture or just a light outfit?  Will the picture be taken of her inside or outside?  Will she be round or thin?  Lots of hair or none?  Teeth or no teeth?  Dark or light?  Which province?  What’s her birthday?  Oh so many questions, all to be answered soon, just not soon enough. 

Abandonment: Selfless or Selfish Choice

What does it feel like to be stripped of the familiar, the comfortable, the predictable?  What about on a deeper level? Alone? Betrayed? Cast aside?  Why does it happen?  Is it out of necessity, truly. Or  is it a choice someone has to make.  To abandon, to leave, to go separate ways.  If it is a choice, then is it selfish or selfless?  Or a little of both. 

Awoke at 4:00 a.m. with this on my heart.  Recent circumstances have caused me to start to examine this very topic.  In the case with adoption, it’s not politically correct to say a child was abandoned; because it has such a negative connotation.  It is appropriate ; however, to say that the biological parent made a birth plan or adoption plan for the child they decide not to parent.  But in the case with international adoption, specifically China; abandonment is a known factor.  A family may be overwhelmed financially and cannot care for a child and therefore they leave the child in a location where they may be found.  The bio family expects they are doing the best thing and offering the child a hope at a brighter future.  Selfless?  I think so, doing the better thing for a child they love, especially when raising the child themselves may create much financial hardship and familial discord. The family may experience such continual distress and dysfunction and all involved  may suffer proper shelter and nutrition, and emotional support.  So is it ever just a necessity or is it a choice?  For example, to do something out of necessity usually means you have no other choice, it must be a certain way for all to experience the greater good. 

But what if it isn’t necessary? To abandon.  And it is truly a choice.  Then I think this is selfish.  If the choice to abandon is not born out of necessity for all parties to experience the greater good then I think it’s selfish.  There it is.  

Is it ever possible for the selfish choice to abandon to be a good thing, to have  a good outcome?  Sure, being in the care of someone who has little or no emotional attachment only prevents the person being cared for from learning to share love or be loved.  A person may be controlled this way, rendered emotionally inept.  They loose sense of self and become a puppet, doing what is expected of them sometimes just to survive.  Or  they act in a way that will bring them the least amount of discomfort.   When these persons are abandoned they are given a new opportunity to  trust and love.  When left this way,  it is no longer a selfish act; for the person being left is given the gift of freedom.   

 

2012 Year in Review

Well here we are the 5th of the month and I have yet to reflect and blog about 2012.  We got a new laptop and I'm struggling much more than I thought as I learn to use it.  First off, I've had only a few hours to tinker with it so my "lesson time" has been limited.  In addition we have a new camera too so I'm trying to learn one at a time and will hopefully be able to interweave the use of both, eventually.  Myself and electronics DO NOT mix well.  I truly struggle when it doesn't do what I think it should do and within nanoseconds of pushing the button.  I have become a very patient person but this is a huge weak spot for me and brings out the worst in me, to the point, I now need to shut it down for the night and pray for forgiveness, really, not joking,