To a Lady I'll never know,
I am forever grateful for the decision you made, to give your daughter life. I will never know nor comprehend the circumstances surrounding the decisions you had to make in order to allow her to become our daughter. You gave her life but we will show her how to live. She will have your talents and gifts but we will foster those so she may use them some day. She will have your temperament and personality but develop our morals and values and beliefs.
So many people say we are lucky to bring her here, to us, to live in our family. We are the blessed ones, not lucky. People see the gain in adoption but they don't see the loss. She is loosing you, her birthmother, her family and her country. You lost her physically but I'm sure each day you think of her and what type of future she may have and where she is and who she'll be with.
She'll be with us soon, but not soon enough, I pray you find peace in your heart and feelings of reassurance that she'll be fine. You'll be fine, as you've made a brave decision too. The loss part of adoption is very difficult; the unknowns too.
Others say we're lucky too because we won't have 2:00 a.m. feedings and lots of diaper changes, she's older than an infant now. Lucky? Really? I'm lucky to have missed out on this? I don't feel so lucky knowing that I was not the one comforting her at night when she was scared, or kissing her hurts away, her medicating her when she was teething or sick. I wasn't there to see her first smile, her first steps, or hear her first words. But you weren't either were you Birth Mom. So we have a lot in common you and I. We both missed out on these things and we'll never get a chance to get them back Those are the losses I'm talking about.
More importantly, she missed out having one single person to call Mama when she cried at night or one person she knew she could trust to meet her needs. She lost out as well. Soon that will change whether she's ready for it or not. I have to remind myself we've been waiting for her; she's not waiting for us- she likely cannot comprehend we will soon be a family. Again more loss for her as she leaves her orphanage and the sights and sounds of China, her playmates and all she's known for two years.
The gains will come, and eventually overshadow the losses, but it will take time. I'm ready to give her that time and meet her where she is, emotionally. There will be great gain for us in time as we grow our family, the love and laughter will increase.
And for you, Birth Mother, I pray you gain the Peace that passes all understanding and you only dream of Delaney but never fear for her. I pray you gain Christ in your life and some day we'll all meet in Heaven and we'll understand the loss and miracle of adoption and how this all came to be. On the Eve of Mother's Day, we're likely in a similar position, our hearts thinking about a little girl, what she's doing, hoping she's happy and fulfilled, the same little girl, we're thinking about the same little girl, and wishing her well. We may never meet, but half a world apart we can still feel the same emotions and longing, for the same little innocent life, guess that's what makes us Moms. The two of us, to the same child. God Bless You Birth Mom, Happy Mother's Day, and thank you.
