Sorry, So Sorry . . .

Blogging this morning to tell you there won't be a "Friday's Frequently Asked Question" post for today.  Last week I mentioned I planned to return to the blogging world today but time has not allowed.  I plan to share this web address with more new folks and I hate for new "followers" to get too far behind.  So again, this next week is for newbies and catch-up time.  So those of you who are visiting for the first time, please scroll to the  bottom of the page or look to the right under ARCHIVES and begin reading with the June posts.  If you're returning , again sorry to disappoint, but maybe take the time to re-read or comment if you wish.  Have a Blessed weekend! 

Blogging to say "No Blog"

Sorry folks, tomorrow there won't be a "Friday's Frequently Asked Question".  I haven't had much time this week since we've been attending Bible School all week and it's come to my attention that some of you may be new here and need some time to catch up.  So if you've been following along and are visiting in anticipation of a new post, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But let me say, I'm thrilled you're here.  If you are new here, please scroll to the bottom of the page to begin reading our first post on June 12th or click the "older posts" button or see the June Archives to the right of the page, any of these will get you there.  The whole purpose behind the blog is to share it with folks and I'm glad you can share this with us.   Be patient, we will return to our regularly scheduled Friday postings next week.  Who knows, in the meanwhile I may just surprise you with a mid week post, hmmm.   Yesterday was our 56 month LID anniversary! And yesterday our agency received referrals for families logged in on July 11th, so slowly we move ahead.  That's good stuff, referrals came this month with no warning, a very nice surprise for some waiting families!  If you are confused, I'll explain all this in a future post as well, like "what's an LID?"  what it means to be "logged in" and what it means to "receive a referral".    Happy Friday to all and God Bless- have a good weekend!

Friday's Frequently Asked Question No. 3 "How much does it cost?"

Well now, if you're asking this question because you are considering adoption, then I can point you to a number of websites so you can seriously inquire yourself.  There are lots of adoption agencies that would be glad to talk to you, many countries are currently open to international adoption.  Although domestic adoption is not where the bulk of my knowledge lies, I could get you started with some places to begin your research  or simply check the web, there's lots of info out there.  Don't let the cost stop you if you feel a tug in your heart.  There are some financial assistance programs available to be utilized toward adoption through various agencies and church/mission organizations and probably one of the most well-know is Show Hope founded by Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman.  We didn't utilize any financial assistance programs merely because we believed God was leading us to this and He would provide our need.  And I will have to say, we normally do not have that kind of money in the bank but whenever we needed to send money to our agency, it was there. God is good and He provides- we also felt that it would be an exercise in faith- "If  He leads you to it, He'll lead you through it".   So now if you're wondering, no,  I'm not gonna give you a dollar amount of what the adoption has cost so far, that's personal, not that I mind sharing  and I may one day. But there are some questions that are just inappropriate.  How many friends have you asked how much they paid their gynecologist to deliver their baby or how much they paid for an epidural or what was their cost for in vitro.  Hmm, made ya think?  I know people are generally well-meaning/curious  when they ask questions like this but just because adoption is an uncommon topic, does not mean all info should be "open book".  If you're interested in adoption or in contributing to an orphan mission program then there are places available on the web for that.  So again, when you ask questions like this,  think about your reason for wanting the answer and how it may sound to an adoptive family.  Another thing, one HUGE question to AVOID and one that is terrible offensive  to prospective adoptive parents, . . . "How much did he/she cost?"  Uggh!  Seriously?  First off, adoption is not the equivalent of "buying" a child!  Secondly, the purchase of any person is considered human trafficking and is ILLEGAL!!!  Assuming an adoptive couple purchased a child is assuming they are involved in illegal activity and that is extremely offensive folks.  I will tell you this, all money we have spent on our adoption so far has been to our agency to guide us through the process, advocacy, and instruction.  You see there is a huge checks and balances system in place to ensure each country involved proceeds in an ethical and legal manner for the safety of the child/ren involved.  Aside from our agency, we have paid the majority of our money to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services, Department of Homeland Security, and our home study agency.  We will not "pay" anyone in China for our baby.  We will  pay government fees to finalize the adoption in China,  for her health exam,  and for her Visa to return home, all part of the process.  So now, I will leave you with this thought, the money we have spent so far toward the completion of our adoption is minuscule in comparison to the emotional investment we feel to bring her home.  Our "cost" has not been monetary but one of heartache and longing, and our cost- both financially and emotionally is nothing compared to the price she is paying to live the first months of her young life without a momma and daddy to love her.  Thanks for listening.

Friday's Frequently Asked Question No. 2 Part 2 "Why China?"

The political system in China has made it difficult for couples to have more than one child and boys are preferred to care for families as they mature. There also is no government assistance/retirement program like we have here and aging parents must rely on their children to care for them. Daughters marry off and care for the husband's family; therefore boys are preferred. They will stay with their own family and provide basic needs for the aging elders.  The one-child policy is still in effect in most parts of China.  This was a policy put in place in 1979 by Chairman Mao to control China's ever growing population.  Like many government policies, it was well-meaning and sounded good in theory but went horribly wrong in many ways.  The ugly side includes mass sterilizations, forced abortions and genocide of many girls.  I read once in a book that the "lucky" ones make it to an orphanage.  Within the past two years there has been one province within China that will legally allow ultrasound during pregnancy.  Until only recently, these were illegal because would-be mothers would use them to determine the gender, thus terminating pregnancies if they were known to be carrying a girl. But many times it was not the action of the mother-to-be, but her husband or family that would make the decision for her.  Many women faced being ostracized or killed themselves if they did not comply with the wishes of their family to terminate a pregnancy.  Sometimes a woman may disappear for the last trimester only to return to her family empty-handed, no questions asked.  In recent years the policy has become a little more relaxed, if a family resides in a rural area and can prove they need extra assistance with their land, then they may be allowed to have more than one child.  This is unlike the past, if a family were to have more than one child without government permission, they could be fined up to three times their yearly salary.  Now in larger cities, families are now afforded the luxury of having more than one child if in fact each parent is an only child, they may also be required to obtain permission or be fined ( not as steeply as before) and this varies with province and town.  Now public officials and family planning clinics are popping up around China and in some areas educating the population about the importance/value of girls in a population that will be predominantly male in a few years.  A large male population with no potential for female companionship leads to a whole other issue.  Most birth mothers take very good care of themselves and eat healthily in anticipation of keeping the baby they carry- but society may dictate otherwise. It's not socially promoted for women to smoke and there is a general desire to exercise and care for oneself during pregnancy.  There is also  very little fetal alcohol syndrome or risk of communicable sexual disease transmitted to infants through childbirth.  So then we soon realized that these were not promiscuous, drug addicted women living irresponsible lives.  The circumstances surrounding the birth of their children were ones of hope, anticipation and love - they long for a healthy baby to love and nurture just like we do.  If they are unable to rear their child because their government makes it impossible then we felt a call to respond.  We aren't "saving" anyone.  If it wasn't us, then someone else would respond and love just as much as us.  But we do trust that  God knows the plans for our Little One long before the day she is conceived and He knows her China parents cannot raise her and He knows that He has to get her into this world somehow because she is the child meant for us.  One day He will bring her from the other side of the world to join the hearts that are waiting for her here.   One day He'll join our lives to hers. 

Frequently Asked Question No. 2 "Why China?"

This question is often posed to us when people wonder why we didn't choose domestic (U.S) adoption.  Again, we didn't really choose, it was more like we were lead by God.  We didn't all of a sudden wake to make the decision, "Let's fly half way around the world so we can become parents".  It was a little more gradual than that!    We had completed fertility treatments in late 2004  and decided that we were not comfortable with doing more invasive procedures.  We made peace with the idea that we may never be parents.   We just figured that's how it was gonna be, the two of us and our new found furry child, Meeka-dog.  We cycled through acceptance, grief, bitterness, anger, confusion and times of detachment,  then finally peace.  Then in late April 2006,  we realized that maybe we weren't so "at peace" as we thought.   It became very apparent that we had a big empty house and our hearts were even more empty. After much prayer we decided to explore adoption and began lots of research.  Over the next several months we began making phone calls, making local connections with adoptive families, and gleaning knowledge from any source we could get our hands on.  We received informational packets from agencies and dvd's to view.  We were not comfortable with domestic adoption for various reasons, mostly because we personally didn't like the idea of being "marketed" to birth mothers and the potential risks involved regarding parental rights and rights of extended family.  Some people are very comfortable with open adoption but personally we were not.  So we figured we would look into international adoption.  We are not world travelers and my hubby has never been on a plane!  So we knew right there, Someone bigger than us was putting the pieces in order.  I thought initially, "only rich people adopt" or "only people that travel the globe in business suits adopt" or "only doctors/lawyers/missionaries adopt"  Folks, I now know many people who have adopted and none of them hold these professions- they're ordinary people.  Ordinary people who  responded to a tug at their hearts.  So, "Why China?"  Once we decided we weren't comfy with domestic adoption we started to focus on which country we might pursue to find our child.  The feelings got stronger and we truly started to believe that God had a plan for us to be parents and now we just had to step out in faith, fully trust and let Him guide us.  We prayed for clarity and direction and for God to change our hearts or even set up road blocks if this is not what we were supposed to do.  We were already emotionally invested but needed to be sure we weren't doing this for selfish reasons or to somehow fill a void.  It became real clear, real quick.  So we researched different countries and made multiple contacts, and searched endlessly on the web for info.  One night we were watching a dvd which featured multiple countries and children of various races and ethnic backgrounds.  We had already talked about what we thought would be "best" for our family and had "chosen" a country.  The video depicted children in orphanages and their caretakers and the the political and socio-economic factors that created the need for orphan care.  We were touched by all of it and our hearts broke for what we saw- but we watched in silence and made no comments.  The last country to be featured was the People's Republic of China- the tears flowed poured, we had our answer, we were goin' to China!  More specifically, goin' to China to get our daughter.  To be continued . . . . 

Frequently Asked Question Number 2 (Sort of- not really)

We interrupt the regularly scheduled answering of Question 2 by providing additional clarification of Question 1.  Confused?  Hang in there, I'll explain.  I didn't want to proceed with answering Question 2, "Why China?" without providing some additional insight about last week's entry.  You see, I DO NOT want to give the impression that adoption is ever second rate or not as good as having biological children.  I mentioned various reasons why people adopt and tried to educate you that some people adopt to add to their families instead of having biological children.  Some choose to adopt even if there are no fertility issues.  You see, when talking about our pursuit of adoption I've heard it spoken to others, about others, and even spoken to me, "oh, so you couldn't have kids of your OWN, so you're adopting?"  Uh, no, that's not it.  First off, this statement is usually said in a downtrodden sympathetic sing-song voice accompanied by an apologetic tone.  Which, although well-meaning, comes across snide and insensitive many times.  Sorry folks, I'm just being real. Perhaps you've made this mistake, my intent is not to make you feel horrible, but to educate you so in the future you may know to be more sensitive to others you meet that are involved with adoption.  Secondly, the mere implication that adopted children are not your own is ludicrous, ie. "so you couldn't have your OWN children".  Once adopted into a family, that child is no longer someone else's, they do not continue to be orphans, foster children, etc.  They become very much your OWN child.  Adoption may not always be every one's Plan A but like I said before, God has a way of getting you in the position to accept what HE wants for your life.  Many times in life our Plan A, B, and C are not God's plans and we have to yield to that.  Not many people set out to adopt right away unless faced with fertility issues or failed pregnancies, but some do.  Saying that natural conception/childbirth is the only way you can have a child of your OWN is crazy.  I'm sure if you asked, most people don't think, "Hmm, enough with "doing it the old-fashioned way",  I want to try AI or in vitro!"  So the next time you encounter someone who is or has adopted, don't necessarily offer pity as your first reaction.  This expectancy for us is just as real as anyone with a preggy belly.  Be happy, show joy- this road can be tough, we don't need you to think we're  "playing second fiddle."  It's not second choice, second best, second rate.  May not have been our first thought, given we assumed we could conceive and have a biological child. But how could you ever "second guess" the Creator of it all?  Like I said, He has ways of getting you on the path that He wants for you.  Our plans are not always His plans. 

Celebrating 18 Years!

Today I praise God for my wonderful husband and the privilege of being his wife for the last 18 years as today we celebrate our anniversary. I am married to a compassionate and sentimental man who loves God. Who knew that when we joined hands in marriage that sunny day in June just what God would have in store for us. If you asked me today, I'd say yes a million times over. I'd walk this path with you just the same, you are my best friend. You've taught me things, given me adventure, and by your example, I've grown closer to God. I'm thankful you lead our household in a way that reverences Him and you are a good steward of the blessings He's given. I love you Sweetheart! Happy Anniversary!

Friday's Frequently Asked Question No. 1- "Why Adoption?"

This question is a hard one to answer in general because there are so many things to consider.  Different circumstances lead people to adopt.  For some people it is their desire to adopt because they see the need of so many children.   Some folks adopt because they never wanted to have biological children, whatever the reason;  feared genetic/health concerns, single parenting, etc. Some people adopt young children after their biological children have left the nest; perhaps they feel it's too much of a physical risk or they are unable to have any more bio children.  Some people frankly like being parents and enjoy having children around.  They may adopt multiple times and have new children alongside their teens or adult children and grandchildren.  They just like big families! 
Okay, so now why did WE choose adoption?  I don't know that we so much "chose" adoption, I mean we did have to be the ones to make the commitment and begin the paperwork process- but it was more like a series of events that lead us to it.  W always knew we wanted children, just never gave it much thought to how we'd get 'em.  We never thought about adoption but never ruled it out as an option either.   We just figured we'd grow our family like everyone else, but God had a different plan.  We didn't begin to think about having a family until about six years into our marriage. I had finished graduate school  a few years earlier and now the timing just seemed "better" for us.  We began talking more seriously but hadn't yet begun our family when just a few short months later  we discovered my wonderful husband had developed a serious health issue.  This required surgery, and a year of treatment (this is something for another post) but needless to say we looked at life a little different  and began taking nothing for granted.  We love each other dearly and are so thankful for God's mercy and grace during this time- I think we really learned to lean on Him and to LISTEN.  Some times if you wait quietly that's when He speaks the loudest.  I dont' mean audibly,  but to your heart where you feel it and know there's no mistaking.  It took us a few years to consider parenthood again, then it wasn't quite as easy as we had planned.  We utilized the help of a reproductive specialist and tried artificial insemination a few times.  We had made preparations for this(just in case) prior to Larry beginning his treatment.  It didn't work, four times, that's not many, but that's all it took for us to decide that maybe this wasn't God's plan for us.  We still wanted children desperately but were not willing to try more invasive fertility measures.  We truly felt that with all of our years of  marriage and no pregnancy, then 4 tries at AI that maybe we should just try acceptance.  So time passed and we became more content, I mean, I still had my husband and God spared him, I thought perhaps I was being selfish for wanting more. 
We had resigned to being childless and then a series of events unfolded and we began to seriously pray about the Lord's will. We had to make the decision to continue with more invasive procedures or accept our status or turn to other options of growing our family.   Things became more clear to us as God put people in our path, closed doors and opened others.  We trusted Him fully with this and we began exploring adoption and researching and talking to others (thanks Terri and Kelly).  We requested literature from dozens of agencies and attended seminars.  Then on July 15th 2006 we made our commitment, we mailed our application and first fees to our agency in Austin Texas.  Peace was evident- we were on our way to being parents.

Happy Father's Day!

Have a wonderful day to all of you fathers and soon-to-be papa's!

And I just wanted to say this to my Dad . . .

Thanks for playing Lincoln Logs with me Dad, thanks for making me eat beans, thanks for taking me to town with you. Thanks for approving the pink dress even when I told you I'd take the less expensive one.  Thanks for buying my first car.  Thanks for not choking me when I wrecked my first car, second car, and nearly totalling the fourth car.  Thanks for helping me through college.  Thanks for always being proud of me.  Thanks for giving me money for gas even when I insisted I didn't need it.   Thanks for making me carry jumper cables, and a blanket and water and non-perishable food in my car.  Thanks for rollerskating with me.  Thanks for dancing with me at your high school reunion.  Thanks for teaching me to bleed brakes.  Thanks for watching the Muppets with me, and ALF, and the Mac Davis show.  Thanks for waiting up.  Thanks for saying "yes" when Larry asked you for my hand.  Thank you for all your wisdom and help.  Thanks for driving me to college or work when it snowed too much.  Thank you for letting me have cats.  Thanks for eating my dinners even when they're not good.  Thank you for coming home. 

I love you !!!!!!!! 

Upcoming Series . . .

As mentioned previously, one purpose of this new blog is to keep you informed of our steps on this adoption journey.  Those of you who know us well seem to understand that our steps have slowed to a mere crawl and at times, it just seems like we're sitting down right in the middle of the path, waiting and watching as the world goes by.  So, you can better understand this journey, I want to spend some time answering some questions that are frequently posed to us.  Therefore, a "Friday's Frequently Asked Questions" segment will be featured each Friday on our blog so we can provide info to you and you'll feel more comfortable on this path with us.  Some of the questions to be addressed are:

1. Why Adoption
2. Why China
3. How much does it cost?
4. "Why is it taking so long?"
5. Have you heard anything about "the baby"?

These are just a few to get us started if you have a specific question, please post it in the comments section and I will be glad to answer.  So stay tuned to Fridays! 

Flag Day, Feathers, and Finger-lickin' chicken!

Today was/is Flag Day so hopefully everyone who owns a flag was able to display it with the respect and honor it deserves.  Let the red, white and blue, wave proudly!  Ourselves, we don't have a flag, (oops) we've been in our new house now for two years but never have had a flag.  Gee, maybe it's time!  When I was growing up,  my Mom always displayed a flag and when that one wore out, she quickly bought  a new one.  She now has a lighted flag pole in her yard unlike the house-mounted type she always had when I was a kid.  Her Dad and brothers served in the war so I guess she's always taken the display of Old Glory quite seriously.  There is something about a flag blowing and snapping in the wind, . . .  almost like it's saluting itself.  Although I don't own a flag, at least I knew it was Flag Day!
Got my hair trimmed after work and my stylist is an exstentionista, she's been adding feathers to hair for a little over a month now and they are really cool.  Last time I saw her I made my color choice  but had to work up the nerve to do it. (I work a professional job so it required some consideration)  Well, I did it today and the placement of the (two < 1/4 inch wide plumes) will allow me to wear them to work and no one will be the wiser, or have anything to "crow" about, haha, sorry bad joke.  I guess you could say I was "chicken" at first.  Okay, I'll stop . . . speaking of chicken . . .
KFC is right across from the hair salon and so, when I left the shop, one whiff, I was smitten- chicken was what we had for dinner.  Sorry for the meaningless content of this, but the more I blog, the more I can practice all the little technical tools, formats, and tricks.  So until I figure it out- there may be more of this craziness! 

Beginning to blog!

We had a previous blog which took many hours to establish and included all our adoption info, inlcuding how God used various circumstances in our lives to lead us to adoption, the timeline of our adoption process, journal entries, and a few pictures.  So why start a new blog?  Well, our old one was difficult for family and friends to access.  Secondly because it was a purchased blog site it didn't require me to learn how to blog  per say, I had to e-mail pics and such and didn't do any myself.  I was afraid that we would have difficulty posting when we traveled to China so now I am forcing myself to embark on the blogging journey.  It will take time to get it "right".  You may check back from time to time and notice a pink striped background or a nature scene.  Until I tweak and perfect, you may see lots of things on here format-wise that may look goofy or make no sense at all.  Bare with me until I can find the right "tone and mood" for our blog.  This is definitely a learning curve.  My ultimate goal is not to bore you with my ramblings but to hopefully share with you our thoughts throughout this process and to give God glory for holding our hands and lighting our way