We explored the world of hair bows today and played with baby dolls and strollers. Delaney ate well and laughed a lot, she entertained us and her Grandma today. She wore many hats today and beads and had me wearing them too. She fed fries to her baby dolls and tried to get them to drink from her sippy. So why am I sad?
Well, she was resistant for her nap and bedtime tonight. She wanted to go in her bed alone or lay in the floor and suck her thumb. I'm sure these were her old ways of doing things and it breaks my heart. The way she did it without parents. But now she has parents and that's our job to provide comfort and security all day let alone at nap time and bed time. I sob while I type. Maybe today was just hard for her in some way I don't understand but I know there will be a time she doesn't need me to do these things for her and that breaks my heart. I know we've only had her a month but it feels my heart has never been without her. My God has filled our lives with this beautiful, smart, and affectionate little girl and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just need to be needed by her and maybe that's selfish and immature. But I'm not ready for her to outgrow me. I know, it's one day, it's one nap, but my heart hurts. Putting it in perspective, I'm thankful she's resting well and safely in her crib right now. Gonna put on my "big girl" britches and deal with it. We are to encourage independence and not foster unhealthy dependence on ourselves as parents. Yeah, I know but I wanna be the one she stretches her little arms too and I wanna be that shoulder she leans on to suck her thumb and I wanna feel her little prickly short hair under my chin as we cuddle. Right now I do have those things, it just wasn't today, hopefully tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment